autopilotmode

autopilotmode

possibly triggering.

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(9:52pm)

Apparently the deacons at church are “concerned for my well being” and want to buy me and then make sure I use these nutrition shakes.

I just want people to mind their own fucking business.

(11:05am)

Yesterday at church at least 5 people asked me if I was okay because I was so skinny.

Then my pastor, and ex’s dad, walked us out when we were leaving to say he noticed id been losing weight but I looked especially skinny today and wanted to make sure I was eating. He said that if there was any special foods I needed that the church could help with to let him know.

What the fuck is happening?
Why do people choose to start caring now?

(4:54pm)

I am going to start recovery on my own.

I can’t keep living like this. It will kill me. Being skinny is not this important. I’m going to try and maintain at 100-110 lbs.
Please wish me luck. This is going to be very hard but I need to get better.

(6:25pm)

I’m skinnier than my thinspo.

What now?

(4:35pm)

When I feel this shitty it becomes a realization that this disorder will kill me.

God. I don’t want it to.
I just want to be normal but I can’t stop.

82 lbs today.

I feel like shit. This is just not worth it anymore.

(9:22pm)